I don’t have the energy to get up. I’m a puddle on the floor of my bathroom, or am I sitting in one? My mind is spinning, unable to settle, unable to comprehend what just happened. The face of the bathroom drawer sits split in half, next to me, evidence of the incident. My sweet daughter, the one that is so attentive, kind, and aware of my feelings, is crushed, sobbing on her bed. More evidence. More pain.

My mind is racing, rocketing in increasingly dizzying circles, but it’s also slogging through mud. Sticky, unforgiving, mud clinging to my mind’s attempt at developing coherent thoughts. I didn’t understand in movies what it felt like to collapse with emotions, it always felt so exaggerated, so embellished. I get it now. I understand that rush, that rapid draining of vitality. My energy escaped through my eyes with tears, my mouth through incredibly harsh words, my hand as it slammed the drawer shut and broke it. How do I regather it? How do I regain what I’ve lost?

I can’t. I can’t undo what I yelled at my daughter. I can’t wave a wand and fix the drawer. I can’t. I wallow in my despair, unconvinced that anything will ever be okay again. It takes over an hour for me to muster the courage to stand up. To step into the situation that I escalated. But standing feels like an act of courage, because it is. I roll my shoulders back, open my chest, and hit my yoga teacher’s favorite: Mountain Pose. My body told my brain, told my heart, told my consciousness that I can repair what’s broken. I know how, I just have to do it. It sounds so simple, doesn’t it?

The damage began with each small word, each minor action, until it was too late. I’ve heard the buzz about making and holding healthy boundaries, but as a pleaser, I let this person who held unwarranted power simply step over, or perhaps stomp right on, those meek little boundaries I’d half-heartedly made. At first, I thought I had to, I was so eager to please, to earn praise, to be everything I thought I was supposed to be, that the boundaries creeped, one interaction at a time. Until those boundaries were no longer boundaries at all, they were open gates, inviting them to treat me the very way I’d allowed them to for years.

This abuse carried on, my body manifesting its effects through weight gain, inflammation, sleeplessness. My body was pleading with me, urging me to fight for it—to establish, or if I’m honest, finally establish, a boundary. Anything to give it a modicum of safety. I waited too long. Until my body was drained and my emotions felt as fragile as glass. The emotions that bubbled up, leading to me snapping at my daughter and slamming my bathroom drawer. Leading to me sitting in my shame on my bathroom floor.

Boundaries are not a luxury. They are not something we only declare when we don’t like someone, or our therapist tells us they’re ‘not serving us anymore’. Healthy boundaries are necessary for healthy relationships. Not holding boundaries sends a message to your inner self that your needs and worth don’t matter. But we do matter. Our worth is limitless, and we deserve boundaries that protect and support us, creating a sense of safety.

Let’s create that safety for ourselves—the kind of safety that lets us thrive, not just survive. Boundaries are more than lines we draw; they’re acts of self-respect and self-care that protect our energy, emotions, and well-being. They allow us to show up as our best selves for those we love while honoring our own needs. To help you avoid your own breaking point, here are some tips, tricks, and actionable steps to set healthy boundaries and maintain them—during the holidays and beyond.

Tips, Tricks, and Actionable Steps to Set and Maintain Healthy Boundaries

Creating and maintaining boundaries can feel daunting, especially if it’s new for you. But the more you practice, the stronger and more natural it becomes. Here’s how you can start:

---

1. Know Your Non-Negotiables

Before you can set boundaries, you need to know what matters most to you.

Ask Yourself:

• What drains my energy?
• What do I need to feel safe and supported?
• What are my top priorities right now?

Write these down. These become your guiding principles for setting boundaries, especially during high-stress times like the holidays.

Example:

• Non-Negotiable: Protecting your mental health.
• Boundary: Declining events or conversations that leave you feeling drained or triggered.

---

2. Communicate Early and Clearly

Setting boundaries is as much about clarity as it is about confidence. Be proactive in letting others know your limits before situations escalate.

How to Phrase It:

• “I’d love to help, but I don’t have the bandwidth right now.”
• “I’m focusing on simple celebrations this year, so we’ll be sticking to a smaller gift exchange.”
• “I can join for dinner, but I’ll need to leave by 8 PM.”

Clarity is kindness. You’re not rejecting people—you’re respecting yourself.

---

3. Practice Saying No Without Guilt

Saying “no” can feel uncomfortable, especially if you’re used to saying “yes” to everything. But every time you say “no” to something that doesn’t serve you, you’re saying “yes” to yourself.

Tips for Saying No Gracefully:

• Start small: Practice declining minor requests to build your confidence.
• Be honest but brief: You don’t owe anyone a lengthy explanation.
• Use phrases like:
  • “I appreciate the offer, but I’ll have to pass.”
  • “Thanks for thinking of me, but I need to focus on other commitments.”

Remember, you’re allowed to prioritize your own needs.

---

4. Set Financial Boundaries

The holidays can wreak havoc on finances, but you can prevent stress by aligning your spending with your values.

Steps to Create Financial Boundaries:

• Set a Holiday Budget: Decide how much you’re comfortable spending and stick to it.
• Focus on Meaningful Gifts: Homemade items, heartfelt notes, or experiences often mean more than expensive purchases.
• Communicate Expectations: Let family know if you’re simplifying this year. For example:
  • “We’re keeping gifts small and thoughtful this year so we can focus on quality time together.”

Financial boundaries aren’t about cutting back—they’re about intentional spending that brings peace and joy.

---

5. Manage Family Expectations

Family gatherings can test even the strongest boundaries. Prepare ahead of time to navigate tricky dynamics with grace.

Tips for Managing Family Boundaries:

• Plan Ahead: Set time limits for gatherings or decide which events you’ll attend.
• Address Sensitive Topics: If certain conversations feel overwhelming (like politics or personal choices), redirect with:
  • “Let’s save that topic for another time and enjoy the holidays!”
• Take Breaks: Step away when needed. A quick walk or moment of quiet can help you reset.

---

6. Protect Your Energy

Boundaries aren’t just about saying no to others—they’re about creating space for yourself.

Ways to Recharge:

• Schedule downtime during busy weeks, even if it’s just 15 minutes of quiet.
• Stick to one self-care ritual, like journaling, meditation, or yoga.
• Let go of perfection. Remember, the holidays don’t have to be Pinterest-perfect to be meaningful.

---

7. Practice Self-Compassion

Setting boundaries is a skill that takes time to develop. You may feel guilt or second-guess yourself, especially if others don’t respond well at first.

Remind Yourself:

• “My needs are valid.”
• “It’s okay to prioritize myself.”
• “Setting boundaries creates healthier relationships.”

Self-compassion helps you stay firm in your boundaries while giving yourself grace for any missteps.

---

8. Reflect and Adjust

Boundaries aren’t set in stone—they evolve as you grow and change. Take time to reflect on how your boundaries are working and adjust as needed.

Ask Yourself:

• What worked well?
• What felt challenging?
• How can I improve next time?

Reflection helps you fine-tune your boundaries so they better serve you moving forward.

---

This Holiday Season, Choose You

Boundaries are an act of self-respect, a way to show yourself—and others—that your peace, energy, and well-being matter. They’re not about shutting people out but creating space for what truly brings joy and balance into your life.

This holiday season, challenge yourself to set one new boundary. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but the peace and empowerment it brings are worth it.